I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
