Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
