I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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