I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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