i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
