Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
