I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
