my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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