It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
