I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
