do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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