3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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