1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
