ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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