I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
