The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
