bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
