oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
