Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
