I just made out with a guy for $7.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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