so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
