I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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