and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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