How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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