yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
