i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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