As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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