I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
