yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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