i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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