I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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