why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
