You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
