Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
