are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
