My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Even my vagina gasped.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
