On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
