Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i think my tv is drunk
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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