so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
