I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
