my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
