It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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