have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He felt like a one man threesome
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
