My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
