I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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