The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He passed out mid-signature
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
