You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
