the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
