I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
