she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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