He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
