Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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