I saw his package. It spoke to me.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
