Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
