Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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