i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
