Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
